


Regret & Resolve

by 17angelsprings



Category: unOrdinary (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Full Moon, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Late at Night, Literary References & Allusions, Looking at the Sky, Self-Reflection, Stars, rooftop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23357167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17angelsprings/pseuds/17angelsprings
Summary: (Inspired by episode 173 so there will be spoilers from there)After what went down between them, John and Sera have a lot to think about so they take their ponderings to the rooftop, but separately and at different times.
Relationships: John Doe & Seraphina (unOrdinary)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 74





	1. Regret (John)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This chapter contains a very brief mentions of self-harm. 
> 
> If there's anything else you want me to warn you about then please let me know. 
> 
> Happy reading otherwise!

John pressed his palms and fingers against the metal fence caging him in on Wellston's rooftop. He peered through the wires, noticing the city wiping many of the bright, pulsating stars out of the sky with its godawful pathetic glow. He pressed harder onto the uneven surface as if he was trying to break the gate and reach whatever light he could gather from the sky but the pain sharpened through his hands, causing him to quickly draw them back. 

Without the numbing emotion called anger, there was no way John could tolerate any sort of physical hurt. It was a pretty deplorable yet funny thing to think about, actually. On any day where he was more enraged than he was at that moment, he could punch the walls until his knuckles bled and he wouldn’t give a single fuck. Hell, he could thrust hi-

Within the blink of an eye, the moon uncovered itself from the blankets of clouds, allowing an even more intense glow into the oppressive night sky. John ceased thinking and met his burnt golden eyes with the pale, melancholic object in the sky, not a shadow to be seen anywhere on it. Then his nerves sent waves of electric sparks to crash into his brain, pulling sheets of emotions and memories to the surface. For one moment, John felt mocked by the moon and the stars for shining so brightly when he had nothing else but darkness around him. The next, he slammed his hands on the fence, dragging them down on the wires, but not pressing onto them. At the same time, his body fell forward and his lower legs folded underneath him. He rested his head on the base of the caged portion where wires turned into concrete and closed his eyes, tears slipping from his eyes like raindrops from clouds. 

His brain had enough of remembering his betrayal at New Boston and all the times he got bullied. Instead, his mind conjured memories of all the times his thoughts were filled with love and beauty, extending from more recent times to all the way back to his childhood. In one very early memory, bright yellow sunflowers in an endless field laid their beauty before his eyes and his parents exuded their sunlight-like energy from merely their smiles. Every little peak in life used to feel so accomplishing and no bump in the road used to push him down for very long. Nothing was better than being able to receive and inspire only love. 

Alas, at that moment, he was nothing more than a malignant devil conceived from a fallen angel. Or was he? The John that Sera knew fell apart to a point beyond recognition. So much for faking it until making it. Was he going to be alone again?

John was no stranger to the irony of feeling so isolated amongst bunches of people. Quite frankly, it was a constant occurrence, even around Sera. As much as he would have liked to convince himself his fiend didn’t exist, in reality, it was always lurking in the back of his mind. He didn’t have to look back to know it was there. That shadow spilled out once more and it came to inspire fear because that was all it could do. Soon enough, it would inspire nothing but fright and anxiety in Sera. 

He could picture Sera’s affections for him withering away slowly and painfully. She said she was “worried” and wants to “help” John, but would she really want to help such a destructive and unfortunate person such as him once she saw who he really was? Did he even know who he was? The possibility of darker secrets yet to be revealed within himself sent a shiver down his spine. There was no way he could involve the greatest friend he ever had with his demons. In fact, there was no way he could bring himself to involve her in his life anymore. His burdens were meant to be tied on his own neck and be dealt with accordingly by him and him only. 

John opened his eyes and lifted his head off of the concrete wall. His hands fell back onto his sides and he pushed himself off of the ground. He walked over to the door exiting the rooftop and opened it quietly, hearing a jarring creak in the middle of the silent night. He stepped inside and closed it just as quietly. 

He was _almost_ certain of his next plans. The school year had quite a while to go, which meant plenty of more time to _think_ and _act_. 


	2. Resolve (Sera)

Sera gently opened the door to Wellston’s rooftop, closing it in the same mild manner. Before lifting her hand off of the door handle, her head turned to face the grayish-blue morning sky full of clouds fairly adamant about covering up the sun. She noted where there were a few rays streaming in thin lines so that she could avoid looking in that direction should things have gotten brighter and rotated the rest of her body as she made lightweight steps towards the fence whose purpose was to secure every person who hung out on the roof from the dangers of falling. 

Once she arrived at her destination, Sera lightly ran a hand over the wires, spreading her fingers so that she could peer between them and see the more distant parts of Wellston in a cage, glimmering with life via the ant-lines of people and cars that constantly traversed its streets. A white bus entering from the side caught her attention with its enormous size compared to the ants. She visually followed its trail from when it was cruising along the road until it stopped at a loading spot to when all the other cars and buildings engulfed it from her sight as it went deeper into the inner city. Her eyes jumped from the spot she last saw the bus to the outlines of the closest buildings, climbing higher as the top of each building led into another building closer to her. Finally, Sera had no where to look but the sky, of which still held its morning gray undertones and insistent clouds. 

She turned away from the fence and slid her back down on the wires until she felt the sweet release of the concrete floor beneath her. Her legs lengthened in front of her and her eyes shot up at the sky’s high point, the impending light for noontime later that day hardly posing a threat to them. Normally, she’d be on her phone, passing the time with texting or mobile games, but the immenseness of the busy celestial sheet occupied her mind instead. 

She felt humbled, even delighted to be a small gear in the larger cosmic machinery of things. After all, the world wasn’t hers but it belonged to something greater, to something more powerful than even the most powerful god-tier on Earth - to nature. It was as though for just a moment, everything she spent days, weeks, and even months of worry and anger over would dissipate into the sky just like that. She wondered if John ever looked up to feel eased like her.

John. John Doe. Once she finally had the resolve to have a conversation with him about his recent behavior, everything went down poorly, but there was nothing to regret for her. She had said what she needed to say and wouldn’t take any of it back because he had to hear it. How he reacted was all on him. But was that really him? Sera had an answer to that question a while back, but doubts started coursing through her veins again. The John he displayed recently was all new to her, especially compared to the one she’d known for years. He had gone so far off the deep-end that he’d become almost unrecognizable. Almost. 

Her mind wandered back into her earlier memories with John, back when he wore copious amounts of hair gel every goddamned day. One of his most prominent traits was that he always acted of his own accord. She hated that about him at first, then admired him for it, until it poisoned him into becoming the cold-blooded, merciless person the whole school feared him for. Funnily yet not so funnily enough, that was what the John she once recognized would fear being. Perhaps he did all along. 

_ Monster _ , her mind repeated continuously. Not once did she ever call him one, yet he jumped to his own defense against that term when their conversation started. Without a doubt, she was shocked at first, but in retrospect, it started explaining more of his behavior. By no means was he proud of what he did, but his experiences caused him to feel unimaginable levels of self-loathing. Unforgivable would not even begin to describe how Sera thought her beloved friend felt about his past. 

Sure, he wasn’t who she thought he was, and they could never be the same again, but John was still nothing less than her best friend. He probably thought she’d forsaken him, but that wasn’t true in her mind in the slightest. His personality may have been that of a dark storm, but somewhere down there was the charming, independent boy with a heart full of love and compassion and yearning for true equality amongst all the power tiers. He really wasn’t the monster he thought he was. 

Sera wasn’t about to abandon ship and leave him to his self-degrading and destructive tendencies, especially not as a friend. He changed her life significantly so it was about time she changed his. 

With that in mind, she got up from her spot on the concrete and placed a hand on the fence behind her, of which she pushed herself off of to jumpstart her pace towards the door. The wind speed started picking up, her hair swaying gently with the breeze. She looked back at the sky, the clouds gradually clearing off and revealing more of the bright, all-powerful source of energy. Sera turned her face to the door again and pulled on the handle, opening it and letting herself in. 

The door closed itself, darkening the stairway leading up to the rooftop but a new flame of determination glimmered over her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s the end of this fic. I hope you enjoyed reading it : >

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! <3
> 
> Stay tuned because Sera's chapter will be coming up next.


End file.
